JOHN DOWNS

-19 outside - permission to bitch granted

Posted By: John Downs · 1/23/2013 7:35:00 PM

We're Canadian, right? We were built for this weather. This is nothing.

We all say it. But you know what you really want to say. Well, you've come to the right place.

So go ahead and gripe. We'll even get you started with a few good reasons to hate this sub-zero weather.

1. It's costing you money.

Do you hear that rumble coming from the basement? That's the sound of combustion. Burning oil. That's the sound of a few cents an hour being lifted from your pocket. Sure, you could turn the thermostat down a few degrees and throw on a couple of extra sweaters and pairs of wool socks. But that doesn't seem very comfortable or practical. Just be prepared for the end of the month and the highest gas bill you've received in years.

2. It's bad for your mental health

Keeping warm inevitably means spending more time indoors. And this time of year, when days are short and darkness is long it all adds up to a recipe for the blues. If you're not on a vacation in the sun, odds are you're looking forward to or recalling warmer, sunnier conditions. All those Facebook updates and photos from friends in Florida or the Dominican certainly aren't helping.

3. It's bad for your immune system

With all of us hunkering down at work and cocooning at home, viruses have even shorter distances to travel. All the handwashing and Purell in the world won't prevent you from coming into contact with a contaminated surface somewhere. A doorknob, a remote control, a computer mouse ... who knows which object is harbouring the pesky pathogen?

 4. It's killer on your skin

We're not taking about occasional dry peeling, or a house call from Dr. Dandruff. Think red, bloody knuckles and cracks across the hands so deep they make the Grand Canyon jealous. These are arid extremities so parched, no Intensive Care or German cream is up to the challenge.

Wounds this serious call for products not approved by Health Canada. Some shop on Spadina carries what you need ­– in a back room. It's the kind of stuff a veterinarian uses to treat leprosy on pigs. Don't bother asking a pharmacist. If he finds out you know about it, he'll have to kill you.

5. Even though you have 563 television channels, there's still nothing on.

If you're lucky, you might stumble upon a marathon of the original Star Wars movies. The likelihood however, is you'll find little more than Little House of the Prairie on one of those Christian channels or, even worse, a marathon of the NEW Star Wars movies.

So feel free to join into the refrain of “cold enough for ya?”. Even though we're not out and about and being social much these days, the cold is the one thing that can still bring us together.

So put it on your Facebook status. Share it with co-workers. Pull the comforter over your head and stay in bed a little longer.

 

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